5.27am

It is on a really rare occasion that i would difficulty sleeping and get up at such ungodly hour after two hours of tossing and turning to logon to the internet. Perhaps it was the late dinner or the incessant rain that's contributing to my insomnia... but i suspect it's just stress and anxiety.

It might be unbelievable for some that someone like me would be stressed to the extend of losing sleep especially when i'm known for my ability to sleep through any crisis and is generally viewed as a pretty blessed person with fairly good fortune. So what's the "crisis" at hand?

A leaking roof.

Yaps. A leaking roof is the start of it all and frankly, i thought it's laughable that i am kept up worrying about something so... mundane. But then, like in all Japanese horror movies... a leaking roof sometimes isn't just a leaking roof is it?

Unfortunately (Perhaps fortunately) this is not a post about any supernatural encounter i have had with my leaking roof though it is a tad bit suspicious how frequent my room has been besieged by water this year [burst pipes, flooded floors, leaking window panes etc]. Rather, its a rather circumlocutious mental process which i am prone to that led one thing to another, each more stressful than the last, accumulating into one sleepless female at 6am in the morning. In fact, i am surprise this sleeplessness isn't happening as often as it should, given my habit to 'ponder' things and play mental leapfrogs on my own. I guess the issues i have thought through before just hasn't been as stress-provoking (singularly or collectively) as it has been tonight.

To summerize and conclude, after analysing all that i have thought through without boring anyone with the unnecessary details and sparing others the brain-ache from taking it from point A to Z, the issue is one of finances, or more importantly, my inability to make sense, take control and shape my personal direction for it. That's the crux of what i'm thinking about, abundantly garnished by my thoughts of family commitments, responsibilities, definition of roles, pride, career, future and my self-confidence.

Quite big things to be thinking about actually.
All because of a leaking roof.

And perhaps, judging from my not-so-comfortable tummy now, the late dinner of hokkien mee did play a small part in it as well.